My Ex Posted Private Pictures of Me. What Can I Do?
My Ex Posted Private Pictures of Me. What Can I Do?
Discovering that an ex-partner has posted, shared, or threatened to share private or intimate pictures of you can be devastating. You may feel embarrassed, angry, frightened, or unsure where to turn. You may also be worried about who has already seen the images, whether they can be removed, and what might happen next.
If someone shared your intimate images without your consent, however, you may have legal options. The fact that you originally took the photograph, participated in creating it, or voluntarily sent it to someone does not necessarily mean that person had permission to share it with others.
In North Carolina, the nonconsensual disclosure of private sexual images can have serious legal consequences. Depending on the circumstances, victims may have both criminal-law protections and potential civil remedies.
The first hours and days after discovering the disclosure can also be important. Before deleting messages, confronting the person responsible, or closing accounts, consider taking steps to preserve evidence and protect yourself.
What Is Revenge Porn?
“Revenge porn” is a commonly used term for the nonconsensual disclosure of intimate or sexual images. The term can be misleading because revenge does not always have to be the motivation.
Private images may be shared to embarrass someone, gain control over them, retaliate after a breakup, interfere with a new relationship, damage a career, or pressure a victim into doing something they do not want to do.
Sometimes there is no obvious motive at all.
North Carolina law addresses certain disclosures of private images under N.C. Gen. Stat. § 14-190.5A, which addresses the disclosure of private images. Whether the statute applies depends upon the particular facts and statutory requirements, so every situation should be evaluated individually.
What If I Sent the Picture Voluntarily?
This is one of the first questions many victims ask.
You may have trusted the person. You may have been married to them, dated them, or been in a long-term relationship. Perhaps you sent an intimate photograph privately because you believed it would remain between the two of you.
Voluntarily giving an intimate image to one person does not automatically mean you consented to that person publishing it online or distributing it to other people.
There is an important difference between consenting to the creation or private receipt of an image and consenting to its later distribution.
Do not assume that you have no legal rights simply because you originally sent the photograph.
Preserve the Evidence Before It Disappears
Your immediate instinct may be to get the picture removed as quickly as possible. That is completely understandable.
Before content disappears, however, preserving evidence can be extremely important.
Consider documenting:
The number of images, the number of followers who saw the image, and how many days the images were posted (this is very important when calculating monetary damages)
Screenshots of the post, page, profile, message, or account where the content appeared
The full username or account name of the person who posted it
The website or platform where the image appears
The date and approximate time you discovered it
Comments, captions, hashtags, or identifying information posted with the image
Text messages, emails, direct messages, or voicemails relating to the image
Any threats made before or after the disclosure
Communications showing who originally possessed the image
Information identifying people who received or viewed the content
Any attempts by the person responsible to demand money, sex, additional photographs, silence, or some other action from you
When possible, preserve the context surrounding the post rather than saving only the image itself.
A screenshot showing an image without identifying where it appeared or who posted it may be less useful than documentation showing the entire webpage, account information, date, caption, and surrounding communications.
Avoid altering the evidence. Keep original files and communications whenever possible.
Should I Ask My Ex to Take the Pictures Down?
There is no single answer that is appropriate in every situation.
A victim understandably may want to immediately contact an ex and demand removal. In some circumstances, however, direct communication can escalate the situation, result in additional threats, or cause evidence to disappear before it has been properly preserved.
If the person is threatening you, stalking you, demanding something from you, or engaging in other concerning behavior, your personal safety should come first.
You may want to speak with law enforcement or an attorney before responding.
An attorney can also help evaluate whether communications should come from you directly or whether a formal demand, preservation notice, or other legal action would be more appropriate.
Can I Get the Pictures Removed?
Potentially.
The appropriate removal strategy depends upon where the content was posted and who controls it.
Many social-media platforms and online services have procedures for reporting nonconsensual intimate imagery. There may also be circumstances in which legal notices, court orders, or other remedies can assist with limiting continued dissemination.
Removal, however, can become more complicated once content has been copied, downloaded, forwarded, or reposted.
That is one reason acting promptly can matter.
Even if an image has already spread, do not assume there is nothing that can be done. An attorney familiar with image-based sexual abuse can help evaluate potential legal and practical options for limiting further distribution.
What If My Ex Is Threatening to Post the Pictures but Hasn't Done It Yet?
Take the threat seriously and preserve it.
A person may threaten to release intimate photographs unless the victim pays money, sends additional photographs, resumes a relationship, engages in sexual conduct, withdraws a complaint, or complies with some other demand.
Depending upon the circumstances, this conduct may implicate laws beyond those dealing specifically with nonconsensual intimate images.
Do not delete the threatening messages.
Save texts, emails, social-media messages, voicemails, screenshots, usernames, telephone numbers, payment demands, and any other relevant information.
If you believe you are in immediate danger, contact law enforcement or emergency services.
What If the Picture Is Fake or Was Created With AI?
Technology has dramatically changed the landscape of image-based abuse.
A person may now be able to take an ordinary photograph from social media and use artificial intelligence or image-manipulation technology to create a realistic fake intimate image.
The fact that an image is fake does not mean the resulting harm is fake.
AI-generated intimate imagery can cause significant reputational, professional, emotional, and personal harm. It may also raise legal issues different from those presented by a genuine photograph.
Because this area of law is developing rapidly, the available claims and remedies will depend upon the specific facts, how the image was created, how it was distributed, what representations accompanied it, and applicable state and federal law.
Victims should preserve the AI-generated content and the surrounding information just as carefully as they would preserve an authentic photograph.
Can My Ex Be Criminally Charged?
Possibly.
North Carolina has a criminal statute addressing certain disclosures of private images. Other criminal laws may potentially become relevant depending upon the conduct involved. For example, if the situation also includes threats, stalking, harassment, extortion, unauthorized access to accounts, or other criminal activity.
Whether particular conduct constitutes a crime is a decision for law enforcement and prosecutors based upon the evidence and applicable law.
A civil attorney does not decide whether someone will be criminally prosecuted. A victim can nevertheless discuss with counsel whether contacting law enforcement may be appropriate and how a potential criminal investigation could interact with a civil case.
Can I Sue Someone Who Shared My Private Pictures?
Depending upon the circumstances, you may have civil remedies.
North Carolina’s private-image statute provides certain civil remedies for qualifying violations. Other civil claims may also potentially apply depending upon how the images were obtained, what was said about the victim, where the material was published, and what harm resulted.
A civil case may potentially seek monetary damages and other forms of relief when legally available.
The amount and type of damages available will depend upon the applicable claims and evidence. Every case is different.
Evidence of the consequences of the disclosure can therefore be important. Preserve documentation relating not only to the original posting but also to any resulting financial, professional, reputational, or other legally compensable harm.
Will Everyone Find Out If I Hire an Attorney?
Fear of further exposure prevents some victims from seeking help.
It is important to discuss privacy concerns with an attorney at the beginning of the representation.
Litigation can involve public court records, and an attorney should never promise that a legal proceeding will remain completely private. However, depending upon the circumstances, there may be legal procedures or litigation strategies available to seek protection for particularly sensitive material.
An attorney can explain what may become part of the public record, what information may need to be disclosed to the opposing party, and what protective measures may potentially be requested.
You should not assume that seeking legal help automatically means your intimate images will be unnecessarily displayed or distributed.
What Should I Avoid Doing?
After discovering an intimate image online, emotions understandably run high. Try not to make decisions that could unintentionally make the situation more difficult.
In particular:
Do not destroy or delete relevant evidence.
Do not publicly repost the intimate image to prove what happened.
Do not threaten retaliation.
Do not attempt to access someone else's accounts without authorization.
Do not pay a person making threats without first considering your options.
Do not assume that deleting your own social-media account removes content posted elsewhere.
Do not assume you have no case because you originally sent the photograph voluntarily.
Preserve first. Then develop a plan.
What Should I Do Right Now?
If you discover that an ex has posted private pictures of you, a practical first response is:
Document. Preserve. Protect. Report. Get advice.
Document exactly what happened. Preserve the evidence before it disappears. Take reasonable steps to protect your accounts and personal safety. Consider appropriate reporting options. Then speak with an attorney familiar with this developing area of law about the remedies that may be available.
These cases are different from ordinary disputes between former partners. They can involve privacy, technology, rapidly disappearing digital evidence, criminal statutes, civil claims, social-media platforms, and potentially significant damages.
Prompt action can be important, particularly when material is continuing to spread.
You Have Options
Having an intimate image shared without your permission can feel deeply personal and isolating. But embarrassment should not prevent you from learning about your legal rights.
The person who received a private image does not necessarily have an unrestricted right to distribute it.
North Carolina law provides protections in certain circumstances, and additional legal remedies may be available depending upon what happened.
Melissa Gott, Founder and Managing Partner of The Law Group in Wilmington, North Carolina, represents victims in civil matters involving revenge porn, sextortion, image-based sexual abuse, and emerging forms of technology-facilitated abuse. Her work in this developing area of law has included obtaining a judgment exceeding $30 million for a victim of image-based sexual abuse.
If your private images have been shared—or someone is threatening to share them—consider obtaining legal advice promptly so that you can understand your options, preserve critical evidence, and determine the appropriate next steps.